I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wear drunk well.
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