if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
