Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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