I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
