My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Boobs are out for the taking
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
