He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
