Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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