I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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