Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
