Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
