im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
