just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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