I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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