Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
