The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
