I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
