so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
