So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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