what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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