I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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