My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
