This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
