is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
