I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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