So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
