they need to just BURY HIM!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
