Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
