Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
