So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
