So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
