I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
