WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
