Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
3 2 1 whiskey
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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