i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
two words: eviction party
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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