Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
