got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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