Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
