New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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