do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
