and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
