Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
