there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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