Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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