I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
