sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
