O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
