Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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