I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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