Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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