So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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