I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need water and some morals
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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