It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
