you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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