Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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