He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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