a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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