chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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