I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
