I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize