This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
