so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
