We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
