that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
