I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
