bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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