About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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