I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
