omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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