K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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