She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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