I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
