dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
