I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize