Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You can't special order awesome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
