On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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