Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
