If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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