i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
