theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
