i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
