This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
