After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
